Helping Your Child Through Separation Anxiety
Starting school is a big milestone for both kids and parents. First day jitters are common, even teachers feel them! But when those jitters linger and show up as tears, clinginess, tummy aches, or ongoing worries, you may start to wonder if your child is experiencing separation anxiety. Read more to learn some strategies and when to consider child therapy for support.
What Separation Anxiety Looks Like
Separation anxiety often goes beyond the usual hesitation at drop-off. Children may:
Cry at school or daycare drop-off.
Cling tightly when you try to leave.
Complain of stomachaches or headaches before school.
Express fears that something will happen to you.
Avoid activities that require separation.
While some worries about separation are developmentally appropriate, when they persist, extra support can make a meaningful difference.
Parents Struggle Too
It’s not just children who feel the weight of separation, it tugs at a parent’s heart too. Many parents share that they feel guilt, frustration or worry about the struggles with separation. Often the questions that arise are:
Am I doing something wrong?
Is my anxiety affecting my child?
Why can’t my child handle this like other kids?
Should I just push harder?
These thoughts are natural and very common. Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and every child is unique. Feeling uncertain doesn’t mean you are failing as a parent. What it shows is that you deeply care about your child’s wellbeing.
Practical Strategies That Help
While separation anxiety can be challenging, there are strategies that can make daily transitions smoother:
Create consistent routines: Children feel secure when they know what to expect.
Practice brief separations: Short, positive experiences apart; like staying with a trusted caregiver during an errand to build confidence.
Comfort items matter: A cherished toy, small photo, or a note in a lunchbox can provide a sense of connection.
Keep goodbyes short and steady: Lingering or returning after saying goodbye tends to intensify anxiety.
Partner with teachers: Educators are experienced in supporting kids through these challenges and can reinforce comforting strategies.
These approaches help children gradually feel more secure, while showing them that separation, though hard at times, is also safe and manageable.
Read-Alouds
Reading together can be a comforting way to open up conversations about separation and big feelings. It creates a special time for connection, helps children feel understood, and offers stories that gently normalize their worries.
Here are some recommended titles that may be available through the local Timberland Regional Library or your favorite bookstore:
These stories have relatable characters and reassuring messages to show children that feelings of missing parents or caregivers are normal. Reading them aloud together can help children process separation anxieties in a gentle, loving way.
Take Care of Yourself as a Parent
Your calm presence can make a difference. Children often take cues from their parents. If you are confident and reassuring, they will feel more grounded too.
Validate their feelings: Empathize with their worry without avoiding separation altogether.
Take care of yourself: Managing your own stress is vital. When you feel supported, it becomes easier to help your child.
Reach out for help if needed: Many parents benefit from talking with someone who understands what they are going through.
Separation anxiety often improves with time, patience, and steady reassurance. Children learn they are safe and that parents return. The process builds resilience and confidence—for both of you.
At Foels Counseling, we support parents through these developmental transitions. Contact me if you’d like help navigating these big feelings, yours or your child’s. I’m here to help.
